I'm sick of it....

Two years.....
WTF??!!!
Two frikkin years! Why am I so pathetic?
I don't ever normally stay in one position due to someone in one year, let alone two!

I love her.
I hate it, but I love her.
It's not a mere association of feelings.
I wish; it would've been easier.

I feel sick.
When I think of her, I feel sad.
When I hear her name, I get mad.
Any connections made by anyone else between me and her pisses me of.
But somehow still, because I feel this way I am glad.

I talked to AJ yesterday.
She said, don't get too frustrated, you feel so strongly, it ain't fake. I know you're strong, so endure the pain until you get what you aim for.

That's masochism.
Trust me, that's brutality.

Everytime I see her, my heart jumps.
My stomach aches.

But I hold them all back.


I smile everytime for others to see.
Pull it off for all as a joke.
It's the truth I won't let them see.

It's killing me, slowly.
But my heart still beats strongly.
Of no one I am void.
But I can't let her go.

I've tried to tell myself "I hate her,"
But as soon as I see her, the sadness fades.

What is it that makes her deserve this feeling within me, that has me enraged?

I sicken myself everytime when I say "I hate you," and know it's a lie.

I'm feeling so stupid right now.

This love inside, indeed is unrequited.

So why do I bother, to feel so inside?

It's makes me sick, like a sick addiction; feeling this way at all.

I wish I could forget her that way, and just be happy.

But no! My life won't let me feel that way!

I've finally got rid of that old bracelet.

I found it somewhere, and I threw it, over a bridge, into the river, and just watched it flow away.

No tears inside my eyes then, for a moment, i thought I was free.

All notes I've kept, they are all concealed.

It'd be a pain to look for them, just what I wanted.
So that I won't go remembering.

But my feelings just won't subside.
They choke me.

It's like I'm dying inside.
While holding a smile.
For all to see.

While I suffer.