Exaggeration-Cut

Thank god no one really reads this stuff.
Yeah, an overstatement on my part.
Was pissed at how stupid I was, y'know?

Although I'm gonna really subdue my feelings, that doesn't mean I could take them away just like that.
I doubt that they'd fully go at all.

But I just gotta try.

I don't wanna feel this way...

I'm stupid.
I'm just stupid; there I go again, crying for shit.
I cry alot when no one's around.
When no one knows, that's when the tears flow.
I wish I had a shoulder to cry on.
But there's no such thing for me.
No pity on myself of course, I mean, i was never used to it.

Jeez, I wish I could just forget...
I wanna forget.

That stupid part of me wishes that she'd feel the same, choke on her own conscience and realize that she at least feels similar.
That stupid part of me wishes that we could just be true to each other.

But then again...
Wishes = shit.
Simply put.

Even if we (which will never happen) get together again, things may still be rocky.
She will still be more focused on the next guy of interest. (they always change, much like her susceptibility to constantly change)
I will still not feel really loved.

Just like how it was; i didn't feel loved, I felt as if I had to do everything, which wasn't fair.

She did warn me; "It will be unfair for you."

Damnit, why didn't I listen?
I set myself here, feeling hurt and all that shit.

I love her, but this seems to be hurting me; the fact that I love someone who won't and will never feel similar towards me.
Never.
It just won't happen.

And it taking me a long time to just grab that concept, swallow it and move on... no instead I must be all "optimistic" with the whole "maybe, just maybe, things might change for the better. maybe if I just wait longer...."
Bullshit!

A year not enough for you, you dumbshit!

Sigh.

I really NEED to fall out of love with her.

If I do, i'll feel better, and she won't be affected, in fact she may not even care.
She might just be glad...
"Good, that crazy child FINALLY got the message. But jeez, slow much?"

Yep, sounds like it.

Everything's so "high and dry"...

Ugh...

I don't feel so well at the moment.

My heart's beating all fast and I can't think very straight.
There's this weird feeling in my stomach that won't subside.
I put my finger on the particular side of my neck, god.... my pulse is rapid.

And this happens when she's nowhere near.

I looked at her c-window just now, my god I didn't wanna say nothin'.
The fray telling me; look say hi and just talk, other side; no, say naught.
She ain't even lookin' at yur name, why you making this such a deal?
Just another person you know, just another person.

But of course my silly senses went on creating conversation.
It was dry.
Haha, silly me.

I'm feeling tired now.

Easier said that done...

Sigh.

"Dear person who very well know themselves,

I love you still.
Is that wrong?"

I can't just discard those feelings.

I just gonna live this year, and still follow my resolution.
I'll see things clearly along the way.

If I really love her...

Then I'd better start falling OUT of love with her.
Discard those feelings fast.
Unrequited love is not something one should stick themselves in.

And then...
I suppose she'd be happier with that.

I guess I just shouldn't read into any sign of affection she happens to show and not get confused, because....

We are just friends.

I'm putting this in writing so I can see it, remember it, swallow and digest it!
My resolution is not to be as stupid as last year.

Consider this, part one.

I'm not a stalker, but perhaps I have "stalked" once or twice

And I realized that that is just plain old stupid.
I've my own life to live.
Maybe I've been overly concerned, but I never lost my place to go and actively invade.
Though... I used to just show up.
And.... that's about it I guess.
Maybe I've been on her fb too much?
But whatever.
I don't even wanna know anymore what she's up to.
Whatever, y'know?
My life.

She's still my friend.
Better to keep it that way, than to hope for a stupid desire.
One that'll NEVER happen.
There, as she said, is NO possibility I suppose.
O well.
Sayonara.

This year, I plan on not looking like an ass.
Or being controlled by some stupid string.
Not me.
Not anymore.
I am my own person.
No void here!

None.

I demand my own control to myself.
NOW!

I'm sorry..... for being in love with you

Yeh.
I couldn't help myself.
Like I said, you were my weakness.
And secretly, you still are.

I annoyed you again.

Sigh....
What can I do to stop this?

Everything I do seems to get to you, either if it's something I say.

This year, I'd leave you alone.
I just hope I don't get confused again.

Things are to be clear this time around!

Or... I may just find someone else...... someone to make me feel how you do... except she may love me back for real.

Or....well....he.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it.
Still, I love you.