Dear Sara...

Dear Sara ,
I'm sorry that I missed the funeral. I'm not like those bastards who trampled on you and lead you here. But perhaps I had a part to play so I'm sorry.
I know that I'm not welcome here, but I've some words I gotta say and to ask you. Maybe someday you'd understand.
Was it really worth it? Was it worth dying to see heaven? Do you finally feel free and safe from any more hurt?
I always wondered what it'd be like to leave this world and walk into the light, but my time will come when it's right. No, I won't rush it, I like my life.
I know your owner must've written to you many times and that I'm invading this place where you lie because I am concerned and I know that you might hear me, cuz you don't talk and won't be able to answer me.
You see, in her perception she is heartless since you died. She's constantly being hurt and it really doesn't seem fair, especially for all she's worth. I let it be known that I care, but I don't think that she gets it in the way I intended.
I think she thinks that I'm obsessed or something and it makes me sick cuz I KNOW I’m not.
You see, if there ever was someone who truly cared, it's been me. I know I didn't treat you well but this time around I really wanna make up for that. Not for self satisfaction, mind you, but because I believe that someone who’s been hurt by someone else who still has feelings for that someone, deserves to be treated right. I've never focused on someone as much as I've done her but now I've lost her trust and I probably won't get it back and I deserve it.
I just have a favor to ask you.
If you please, tell her in her sleep that all this is true for me, I won't say these three words 'cuz it's redundant; she should've known.
I'm not even asking for her to come to me, I just want her to know that she is really loved.
You see, she keeps searching all over to find someone to love her when she already has it, but she pushes me away and now I’m still confused, because at times she’s accepting and then… she’s pushing… and it gets to me. I’m not getting it clear and mixed emotions are definitely involved here.
I'm on the other side of things, but I've been harboring this for far too long, I'm miserable you see.
She doesn't know, but I brought my heart with me and here it knows what's it's like to be deceived. If she thinks that it hasn't been scarred like you she's wrong; although I've only two relationships, I've encountered and shared love too much to not feel hurt as well... although 75% weren't official.
So please tell her why I've pursued her not because I'm obsessed with her, I could live without her; she is not the rule; really an exception… because with others although I cared a lot, not this much.
Only two relationships, but lots of love scenarios, maybe not nearly as much as her… but comparisons are not necessary especially if you know that you “feel something deep and profound about another human being”. For someone who said that once should know what I’m talking about! And she stands out. She’s different. I wish she’d just accept that I know what I’m talking about because she tends to question me a lot.
So I'm just sitting beside your tombstone, I'll leave before she comes again.
But please let her know, and as for you, if you can, return to life somehow. I want her to be happy with whoever she's with, whichever guy she likes, help him not to be a bitch. I'd be happy with that alone, and move on with my own life.
From Sade and my heart, Xerai.