It hurts....faintly...and immensely...

It shouldnt right?
But yeah, i hurt a little.

Jeez...maybe it's that I love you too much.
Maybe the co-dependency shifted more to my side...

Maybe I need you too much.

Or maybe not.

It's not like I need you like I can do without your presence at all.
Because I'm not always around.

Plus, we kinda get on each others nerves at times...so it's not like we dont need our space sometimes and stuff.

But...

Laura, I kinda miss you.
At least maybe a little.

I miss those nice words.
I miss those times when u say you love me.

I miss the support you had for me in high school.

It seems faded now.

I miss your smile, and I miss having you in my arms...no matter how rare that was.

I know I'm not very affectionate, but I come out of that when it comes to you cuz I wanna be close to you.
I wanna show you my love, I want to love you and I do!

It's something I really want man!


I always used to be against dependency on a whole and was always the type of person to say "I dont need anyone, I could do this on my own/ go through this on my own/ I dont need anyone at all/whats the point of love? it only makes ppl stupid..."

But what a change that occurred.... i fell onto love's mercy b4 I came here, but after meeting you, I became it's captive.

Of the very same thing I claimed to hate for so long before...

But I'm not a beggar.


No, I will not go below my level and beg for anyone.

Admittedly, an ego inside of me is part of the cause.


Sometimes, I'm not quite sure of you.
You say you love me, but then I dont feel it sometimes.

Sometimes from you I get a cold feeling.

Or sometimes I feel as if you love me... yet maybe not as much as I do....

I will risk my life for you, I will bear your wounds...

I will do alot for you.....except kill.
Naw no killing...or stealing, no I wont steal for you either lol.

But really.

I know you want a boyfriend...
To support you and love you and care for you....
To raise a family and so forth...

I always have a heavy feeling inside me because I am not a boy... and ever since I started dating, found out the hard way that no matter who says they love me and want me, the man will always take precedence.
ALWAYS....

In the end when the man comes around, I dont matter anymore.

Either that or I find myself always at a second rate... I almost always get screwed over.

People tell me I will never find someone to love me the right way here.... because the girls just wanna experiment, or they just think I'm hot and wanna be with me, just for the thrill.

I always love them....and I am choosy no hell, so I'm very particular about a girl I like.

But....

It was such a waste going out with those girls.

The realest thing I've ever felt was with you, Laura.

So...sometimes I think the main barrier between us is the fact that I am a girl...maybe mainly.

But thats sometimes.

I dont wanna be hurt again.

I dont wanna fall with no one to at least offer me a hand...tho I am quite capable of helping myself.

I dunno where I'm goin with this....nor do I know how pathetic I probably sound.

Especially since you probably wont see this.

But even after so long, I can honestly say I love you.

And perhaps...that is exactly where I feel.