Sighs....

She's mad at us all.
I did something, or said something to piss her off.

Well it's her right to be mad, if it hurt, she has all the right to act towards it.

I'm not even a little mad at her.
I understand how she feels.
The wierd things is that she is one of the very few I just can't get too mad at for long, or when she acts out how she feels negatively, i just understand and have nothing to say against it.

But i do get mad at her.
It's normal and expected.

She says I lie and that i get sick of her.

I don't get "sick" of her.
I get irated sure.
I get pissed sure.
Sometimes I even have feelings of hate for her when i'm hurt by her.
But i can't hate her.
I can't stay mad at her.

Most times if I'm upset I just cry over it alone.
Let the tears flow.
Write a few poems and stack them away with the LOADS and LOADS of papers I have from her and to her from since I first knew her.

And then that's it.

My mind is always on her, she never leaves.
Sometimes I hate it, most times I'm glad.

Because I know that I love her.

Sometimes, when she makes it sound as though I don't care about her, i get really insulted.

Because I know that that's not true.
I not only care for her, wanna look up to her and be there for her, support her in anyway....
I LOVE that girl to death.

But I can only do so as a friend, and that too, is beause I know she wants that, even though it hurts me, and though I may have selfish feelings from time to time....

It's her I care about, her feelings.

I always use her facebook as an update to how she feels, as a hints for what she won't tell me.

I look at her msn pm's too on live spaces.

And anywhere else i can remember, but these are the two main places.


But, I hurt her in ways I never am aware of at the time.... and it's not cool.
Sometimes I hate myself for them, but I'm never too hard on myself because I'm only human after all.

She removed me and some pals off her facebook.

And I'm not even a little mad.
It's not that I don't care.
We talked online.
She said everything she wanted to say.
She warned me.
So it's not too much of a shock.

I respect her in the greatest ways.

She doesn't know, but i really love that girl in the truest form.
Maybe I could never be with her physically... i'm not very physical.
But I've never stopped being in love with and loving her.
And it's the pain I am willing to endure for as long as it will remain.
Because I just love her like that.
If i tell her that to her face she may not get the extent cuz i wont be able to explain it so well with my mouth.

But still, it's the through.
It's not a secret.

I don't hide it.
It's an unsaid thing, and I'm sure she picks it up a little.

So now, she's really upset.

She's a strong feeler and I respect her for it, she's allowed to feel.

No matter how deep.
It's all good.

Hey, i feel too much too.

So i would know.

I really hope that she gets me fully.
See that I'm not lying.
Know that I am always there.

I just want her to live her life happily; she always hurt, and I contribute.

That's the bad part.

I better watch myself closer so I won't hurt her so much again.