I don't wanna feel this way...

I'm stupid.
I'm just stupid; there I go again, crying for shit.
I cry alot when no one's around.
When no one knows, that's when the tears flow.
I wish I had a shoulder to cry on.
But there's no such thing for me.
No pity on myself of course, I mean, i was never used to it.

Jeez, I wish I could just forget...
I wanna forget.

That stupid part of me wishes that she'd feel the same, choke on her own conscience and realize that she at least feels similar.
That stupid part of me wishes that we could just be true to each other.

But then again...
Wishes = shit.
Simply put.

Even if we (which will never happen) get together again, things may still be rocky.
She will still be more focused on the next guy of interest. (they always change, much like her susceptibility to constantly change)
I will still not feel really loved.

Just like how it was; i didn't feel loved, I felt as if I had to do everything, which wasn't fair.

She did warn me; "It will be unfair for you."

Damnit, why didn't I listen?
I set myself here, feeling hurt and all that shit.

I love her, but this seems to be hurting me; the fact that I love someone who won't and will never feel similar towards me.
Never.
It just won't happen.

And it taking me a long time to just grab that concept, swallow it and move on... no instead I must be all "optimistic" with the whole "maybe, just maybe, things might change for the better. maybe if I just wait longer...."
Bullshit!

A year not enough for you, you dumbshit!

Sigh.

I really NEED to fall out of love with her.

If I do, i'll feel better, and she won't be affected, in fact she may not even care.
She might just be glad...
"Good, that crazy child FINALLY got the message. But jeez, slow much?"

Yep, sounds like it.